In my last post, I mentioned “time…schedules…ugh…that’s a story for another day.” Well guess what y’all? It’s ANOTHER DAY! And I’m ready to tell that story. Like most of you, my weeks are usually planned ahead of time. There never seems to be enough time. I thought once I got done with grad school, free time would just be never-ending for me, since I was used to never having any. What I have learned is that all the time I spent in school and thought I would have as free time just gets filled up with other things. As I type this, I know that sounds like duh…it is your free time, Logan. You fill it up with what you want. Yes, that’s true. I am the controller of the almighty calendar. Basically, I spread myself WAY too thin and it gets incredibly exhausting.
With the position I hold at work, I’m expected to be active in the community. I like to be active in the community–it’s just the people and things that get pushed to the wayside so that I can be active that eat at my soul. I am a Chamber Ambassador, a member of the local Young Professionals group, on the events committee for a downtown development association, now I’m participating in this Dancing with the Stars deal, not to mention the fact that I work full-time, teach spin classes, and oh yeah, I have a husband, a family, and friends that all want to be part of my life (and I want them in my life). Most of the Chamber and Young Professionals events are on Thursday nights, when I want to be at home group. I hate to have to tell my home group that I can’t come talk about the Lord because I’m busy schmoozing with other professionals. BUT, I know I have control of that. I guess my problem is getting a grasp on that whole saying “no” thing.
Yesterday, for instance, I worked all day, changed at work and got dolled up for our Dancing with the Aiken Stars program pictures, then went to dance practice. What time did I leave my house yesterday? Ohhhhh, 7:30 am. What time did I get home? Hmmmm, around 10 pm. I never ate dinner and Matt was ready to go to sleep when I got home, hence, we barely spoke all day. I know there are people that do this all the time. Yes, I’m used to it because I did it for almost 2 straight years while in grad school. But I miss being home. I miss Matt. I think about how I haven’t snuggled with my cat-children lately. The house is a wreck. Here’s the million dollar question–How on earth could I manage all of this AND have a child? Ha, not happening. So when people want to know what we are waiting on…I mean just think about everything I said. I barely have the energy to take care of myself. Much less a little squirt. The thought completely overwhelms me. Yes, it is my choice to participate in these events and be on these committees. I basically have no idea what point I’m trying to reach here.
Oh, what about working out, Logan? What about half-marathon training? Yes, please tell me how that is supposed to happen. I have a wedding rehearsal tonight, we are going to Clemson tomorrow for the game which will be an all day affair, I have a church event to work from 12-1 on Sunday, then a 90 minute spin class from 2:30-4, dance practice from 5-6, then Sunday dinner. Oh and I’m supposed to sleep too. Check email, put out fires, all that good stuff. I think what bothers me is when people say “there is NO excuse.” Pardon me, but yes the hell there is. I have definitely been lazy when I could have been productive. I won’t deny that. But aren’t we allowed to be lazy? Oh, and I don’t even cook my husband dinner because I’m NEVER HOME. Thank God it doesn’t bother him that he doesn’t have a hot meal waiting on him when he gets home from work.
I think it all goes back to that post I wrote about priorities a while back. I haven’t quite gotten them all straightened out but I’m working on it. First and foremost, I am going to have to start saying “no” to some of this work stuff. The fact that Matt called me yesterday and asked me when I would be home and I said “probably 10” and then he said “gah, you are spreading yourself to thin, I miss you” really bothered me and made me feel all fuzzy at the same time. He’s right…I spread myself way too thin.
Oh! Another thing I wanted to complain about today…to all you ladies out there: are we really expected to handle all of the parental relationships for ourselves and our significant others?? God knows I love my family and my in-laws, and this isn’t me throwing Matt under the bus, but is it normal for the ladies to have to handle everything when it comes to making plans with them? They just want to spend time with us which is GREAT (it could be that we have parents that don’t give a rip). But it is immensely overwhelming to think that I have to manage all of those relationships and if I say “no” to any of them, I take myself on a guilt trip.
Sorry, this was incredibly long-winded. But it’s something I’ve wanted to discuss for a long time. It sounds mostly negative-I know. I am grateful to have a busy life and people that care about me. And I’m totally looking forward to my busy weekend. Again, I’m not sure I made absolutely ANY sense here. Thanks for hanging in there with me anyway!