This is probably the most personal post I’ve ever written. Not sure how I feel about opening up this much but hey, I need a therapy session and I’m broke. So here goes…
This weekend was full of fun times, let downs, fun times again, let downs again, and then some reflecting on my part. Friday was so much fun. We celebrated Bess’ birthday and everyone had a great time.
As you all know, I was supposed to run a 5k Saturday morning. Well, I’m not going to get into the details but we had a family emergency that kept me up half the night and the race never happened for me. I also ended up with a dead cell phone and no charger so I didn’t wake up in time to tell my friends that were running with me what was going on. I literally called them 6 minutes before the race began. They were completely understanding but I was a basket case all morning. I felt like I had let my friends down. It seriously ate a hole through me. I know that things happen. And that’s what I have to remind myself…things are going to happen that are out of my control. There is nothing I can do and I have to learn a better way to deal with that. After balling my eyes out and running around the house thinking I could make it to the race in 6 minutes, I hung up the running shorts and knew I had failed…at least that’s how I felt. Then I began to obsess about “what would I say on the blog?” “What do I tell people who ask how the race went?” I came to the conclusion of who freakin’ cares. I don’t have to explain anything if I don’t want to and so now here I am trying to explain…oh the irony.
Despite the madness and tears, I also had other people depending on me and Matt to go to a football game. So I hopped in the shower and out the door we went. I’m glad I had to keep moving; otherwise, I would have probably been a cry baby all day and just brought myself down more. The game was fun. It just rained practically all day and kinda put a damper on the day…
After the game, we found a good spot to eat and decided to head on home. We had every intention of being 20-somethings in downtown Athens but we were tired, damp, and ready for clean, comfy clothes. Matt and I ended up in bed at 8 pm and didn’t move until around 10:30 the next morning. We have done that for the last 2 Saturday nights and I can truly say it feels awesome. It’s quality time together and we get to recharge for the week ahead.
Yesterday, I went through another inside-Logan’s-head-battle and finally cried enough to convince Matt to make me breakfast 🙂 The inner battle I constantly face is people-pleasing. I don’t want this post to get too long so I am going to focus on priorities more next time but I think I really need to evaluate who I place in my life and where I place them. Right now, this is what I believe the pecking order looks like:
Work and gym fit in there somewhere too. Probably around the “me” line. But this is what I believe my pecking order should look like:
I focus so much on making sure other people happy that I don’t focus on what’s actually important in my life. I don’t focus on the one person who should get my full attention–my husband. I’ve always been a people-pleaser and I have always cared way too much about what people think–did what I say hurt their feelings? Did what I say make them mad? Did me cancelling that plan hinder my friendship with that person? Yes, people should care about those things to an extent but I OBSESS about them. Some people don’t care about that stuff at all. Anyway, I don’t want to get into this too much in one post so until next time…does anyone have any advice? Or does anyone understand where I’m coming from? Come on y’all, this was totally a pity party post…make me feel better 😉
On a positive note, I’ve had a great Monday and I hope you have too. And one thing that has kept me positive today is something a friend told me yesterday…don’t dwell on what you didn’t do right today or if you didn’t do enough–focus on how you can make tomorrow better.